Friday, January 23, 2009

Rep. John Boehner Confused by Sex and Economy

After a meeting with President Obama over the proposed $825 billion stimulus package, House Republicans greeted reporters with skepticism with House Minority Leader John Boehner saying:

"You know, I'm concerned about the size of the package, and I'm concerned about some of the spending that's in there. How you can spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives, how does that stimulate the economy?"

Barring the fact that a guy named Boehner is questioning the size of a package and it's ability to stimulate in the same quote, the unfortunately named House Minority Leader is demonstrating his utter lack of understanding of how the economy works.

Allow me to explain.

If contraceptives are made more available and cheaper, Americans will have more sex (example: as cell phones became cheaper and more available, more Americans began using them). However, to have sex, certain things must happen first. Because I possess a wiener, I will speak from that vantage point. First, I would have to ask a girl out on a date. This would require me taking her to dinner, leaving a huge tip for the waiter to show off how awesome I am to my date, taking her to a movie, and maybe finishing up with a drink at a bar. We would then, hopefully, get down to business Animal Style.

This budding romance would then, hopefully, blossom into full fledged relationship, requiring more evenings on dates, presents at birthdays and holidays, new shirt for me so I stop looking like a bum, and in the natural course of the relationship, the general spending of more money.

Hence, my want of sex due to increased access to contraceptives, would indeed stimulate the economy, if nothing less, my wang and her HooHa (hopefully).

As you can see, John Boehner clearly has no idea how the economy works and is breathtakingly unaware of the old, simple adage, "Sex sells."

And for posterity, here's a picture of Mr. Boehner crying his eyes out (obviously because he's not getting any):

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