Who the Fuck Signs Your Paycheck: Jake Tapper

The descent of journalism into the proverbial toilet is beyond depressing. The aspect I find most infuriating is when a "reporter" does ZERO actual reporting, then calls it journalism. This time, it's our old friend at ABC, the senior national correspondent on I-clearly-never-went-to-journalism-school-or-even-read-a-fucking-paper-before-joining-these-other-network-idiots, Jake Tapper.



In a mere two days, Mr. Tapper racked up two blog posts and a video piece that, confounding all reason and logic, actually aired on actual television and were actually posted on an actual website while actually being labeled as "news".

The first was about the McCain camp taking shots at Obama by using a hypothetical situation posed by President Clinton. First, Mr. Tapper quotes the Clinton hypothetical. Then, Mr. Tapper quotes the McCain camp. And that's it. Here's the McCain camp quote:

“John McCain has a record of taking stands against his party and accomplishing the bipartisan change Americans need," says McCain spox Tucker Bounds.

Seriously, that's the end of the post. I don't know how many times this needs to be bashed over the head of our dipshit incompetent press - THERE IS MORE TO JOURNALISM THAN PARROTING QUOTES FROM EITHER SIDE.

Actual journalists do provide quotes, but they then FOLLOW UP THOSE QUOTES WITH FACTS. It is your job, Mr. Tapper, to decipher whether or not what someone is saying is in fact true.

For example, a nice fact to follow McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds' quote would be something along the lines of:

While Mr. McCain has taken positions in opposition to those of his party in the past, namely on immigration and campaign finance reform, in the last few years he has leaned much farther right and even reversed his position on a number of issues, falling in lock step with Republican leadership on issues including but not limited to, immigration, the Bush tax cuts, torture, abortion, right wing evangelicals, and even his signature issue, campaign finance reform. Furthermore, in 2007 Mr. McCain voted with President 95% of the time, and 100% of the time in 2008.

That's what is referred to as "research", Mr. Tapper.

Beyond that, Mr. Tapper has a post out today about the McCain camp poking fun at Sen. Obama for using Greek columns as a set for his nomination acceptance speech tonight at the DNC, and reports that the Obama camp says this is "another idiotic phony issues trumped up the the GOP". Which is absolutely correct considering Bush had columns at his acceptance speech in 2004, and this, and the fact that DEMOCRACY WAS INVENTED IN GREECE INSIDE LARGE BUILDING HELD UP BY FUCKING COLUMNS. But Tapper still feels the burning need to report on it.

And finally, Mr. Tapper put together a video piece about how Mr. Obama is a better speaker with a teleprompter than without. Really? No fucking shit. I'd like to see you punditizing without a teleprompter Tapper. I imagine it would go something like, "Hi, I'm ABC's Jake Tapper, and I would love to speak clearly and fluently about high minded American ideals on freedom and democracy but I am far too busy gargling donkey balls to do so."

It is astonishing that someone finds it appropriate to continue signing Mr. Tapper's pay checks.