Feeling Dirty Right About Now

Oh my. Oh dear. Oh, oh dear.

Sarah Palin Pranked by Faux Sarkozy

Wowie wow wow.

In other, wholly unrelated-to-the-current-general-election news, today comes the revelatory information that they are making "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max into A MOVIE. Dear lord! I almost think I can't go see this. Somewhere in me, in some deep part of my soul, the innate and total wrongness of Tucker Max really bothers me. I mean, it's horrible. This guy is degrading, and an asshole, and self-absorbed, and hilarious, but yes, it's true, he's just that funny.

If you don't believe me, please read the Sushi Pants story.

Or, sweet heavens forgive me, the Midget Story.

Or, oh God, please please say this is fiction: the infamous Buttsex debacle.

Okay. That's it. I can't write anymore on this topic. Please don't tell my mom I read this stuff.

Palin: Media Criticism Threatens First Amendment

There are many, many things in this world that I do not understand. Physics - no fuckin clue. Women - I've tried, and continue to try, but really, I have no idea. Dip N Dots - how the fuck do they make those tiny balls of ice cream so delicious?

However, and this question has been nagging at me for some time now as it's something I simply cannot wrap my head around: How is it possible, that in the greatest country on the planet, one of the four people campaigning for the highest offices in the land does not have a BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF THIS NATION'S CONSTITUTION?

I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. In an interview in Washington DC on Friday morning, Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin said this:

Palin: "If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

In case you didn't rip your keyboard off your desk out of sheer rage and try to decapitate whoever happened to be sitting next to you, here is the actual First Amendment, word for word:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

I thought Ms. Palin having NO IDEA as to the role of the vice president was low, but this latest bit is an entirely new level of stupid. In one grammar mangling sentence, she has proposed that one aspect of the First Amendment is actually infringing on another. She's actually saying that she has a constitutionally protected right to spew her batshit moronic drivel, but that the press should have NO RIGHT WHAT SO EVER to call her on said absurdly stupid verbal vomit.

As I said above, there are many, many things in this world I do not understand. And right now, the one that I am grappling with, is how on earth someone who has consistently shown a penchant for lying and abusing her power, demonstrates a profound disregard for the basic rules of grammar, is apparently completely unable to answer simple and straight forward questions (EXAMPLE: Q: "Which newspapers do you read?" - A: "All of 'em."), an who has NO IDEA what she would be doing in the job she seeks to hold, can seriously be considered by ANYONE as a candidate for the second highest office in the land.

Also, I am baffled by sudoku.

Dear Sarah Palin, Go Fucking Home

I am AMAZED by this woman. Palin was asked why she hasn't released her medical records:

Palin: "The medical records, so be it. If that will allow some curiosity seekers perhaps to have one more thing that they either check the box off that they can find something to criticize or to rest them assured over."

Go back and read that sentence again, and try to keep your brain from exiting your skull and slapping you in the face. It's not possible. I think this is the dumbest thing I have ever read.

The big problem with Palin isn't that she's stupid (which she is), or that she's corrupt (which she is), it's that she is FUCKING INSANE.



I'll make this simple. If someone bombs an abortion clinic, that person IS A FUCKING TERRORIST.

Here's the full exchange transcribed if you can get through it without ramming a fist through your monitor:

Brian Williams: Back to the notion of terrorists and terrorism, this word has come up in relation to Mr. Ayers -- hanging out with terrorist – domestic terrorists. It is said that it gives it a vaguely post uh 9-11 hint, using that word, that we don’t normally associate with domestic crimes. Are we changing the definition? Are the people who set fire to American cities during the ‘60’s terrorists, under this definition? Is an abortion clinic bomber a terrorist under the definition?

Sarah Palin: There is no question that Bill Ayers via his own admittance was um one who sought to destroy our US Capitol and our Pentagon -- that is a domestic terrorist. There’s no question there. Now others who would want to engage in harming innocent Americans or um facilities, that uh, it would be unacceptable -- I don’t know if you could use the word terrorist, but its unacceptable and it would not be condoned of course on our watch. I don’t know if what you are asking is if I regret referring to Bill Ayers as an unrepentant domestic terrorist. I don’t regret characterizing him as that.

Williams: I’m just asking what other categories you would put in there. Abortion clinic bombers? Protesters in cities where fires were started, Molotov cocktails, were thrown? People died.

Palin: I would put in that category of Bill Ayers anyone else who would seek to destroy our United States Capitol and our Pentagon and would seek to destroy innocent Americans.

Can someone please tell Mrs. Palin to GO. HOME.

FOX News Defends Palin's $150K Wardrobe

Here's a quick clip of FOX News defending the fact that since being picked to be John McCain's running mate, the Republican National Committee has purchased $150,000 worth of clothing for Sarah Palin.

Bimbo: "Here's my challenge: when we stop treating women as sexist figures, ok? That we all talk about what we have on, and what their shoes look like, and how their hair looks, but we don't say that about any male candidate, when we stop doing that, then we can stop talking about how much money they spent on her clothes."

Maybe Blondie doesn't know this, or can't wrap her fat dyed head around it, but the fact is, the reason people aren't talking about McCain's wardrobe cost, or Obama's, or Biden's, is because THEY PAID FOR IT THEMSELVES.

Classic turning the issue around here. It has nothing to do with her fashion, or how she looks, or that she's a woman, or her hair or shoes or dresses. People care because American's putting "Country First" donated to their party only to have their party turn around and BLOW THOSE DONATIONS ON PANT SUITS.

Barbie: "We don't hear that about the guys folks. So let me find out how much did Barack Obama spend on his custom suits?"

Well Paris, please let me explain. The reason you don't know how much Obama has spent on his clothing is because HE PAID FOR IT HIMSELF.

Here's a little non-FOX recap of the Palin spending spree:

AP: "Palin Unlawfully Abused Her Power"

Shocking.

Here's the AP article.

Here are some comments from readers at HuffPo:

Gardinia: "MAVRICKY VERDICT"


LJWALKER: "Okay so the VP Candidate in 5 weeks or so has been found to be a pal of the Alaskan Secessionist Movement, participant in witchcraft protection rituals, unwilling to do interviews with anyone but Fox News or Conservative Talk Radio and now guilty of unlawful abuse of power but she is still considered viable?

Wow. Just wow."


binarystar: "How are they gonna blame this on ACORN?"


Bluedanube: "CNN is reporting that Palin is going to receive the Medal of Freedom from the Decider."


Budokan: "and a pardon...."


dentuso: "Dear Sarah,

Thank you for your application for the Vice President of the United States of America. We appreciate having had the opportunity to review your resume, and we were impressed by your experience in the field. We regret to inform you, however, that there were other applicants who matched our needs more closely. We will keep your resume on file should we find a position for which you are a better fit, and one for which you might provide a better fit.

We wish you luck in your endeavors.

Regards,

We, The People."

Petraeus: "We Have to Talk to Enemies"

Fairly interesting, just a few weeks after Sarah Palin called Barack Obama "beyond naive" and "dangerous" for advocating sitting down with our enemies without preconditions, General David Petraeus said the same fucking thing:


(Petraeus quote comes after the first question from the audience, about an hour seven into the video)

Right. Good call Sarah. Obviously you believe Gen. Petraeus to also be naive and dangerous.

McCain-Palin Are Dishonorable Sleaze

UPDATE THE SECOND: After posting the update below, I found a statement from McCain spokesman Brian Rogers which brings me back to the candidate vs. his campaign. Here's the statement which was actually issued before the rally where McCain told his crowd to calm down.

"Barack Obama's attacks on Americans who support John McCain reveal far more about him than they do about John McCain. It is clear that Barack Obama just doesn't understand regular people and the issues they care about. He dismisses hardworking middle class Americans as clinging to guns and religion, while at the same time attacking average Americans at McCain rallies who are angry at Washington, Wall Street and the status quo," reads a statement from spokesman Brian Rogers. "Even worse, he attacks anyone who dares to question his readiness to serve as their commander in chief in chief. Raising legitimate questions about record, character and judgment are a vital part of the Democratic process, and Barack Obama's effort to silence and shame those who seek answers should make everyone wonder exactly what he is hiding."

UPDATE: After I posted this John McCain held a rally in Minnesota urging his supporters to calm down.

McCain: "We want to fight, and I will fight, but we will be respectful. I admire Senator Obama and his accomplishments and I will respect him. I want everyone to be respectful and let's make sure we are, because that is the way that politics should be conducted in America."

Well done, but this "kill him" shit started Monday. It's Friday. Congrats John, you should be proud of your "respectful" campaign.


ORIGINAL POST:

I am willing to give the benefit of doubt to John McCain and Sarah Palin, allowing that they are good, honorable people who have for some reason turned themselves over to their misguided and hell-bent on winning handlers and campaign teams. But this week I am no longer willing to do so.

At recent campaign rallies both Palin and McCain have pushed the idea that Barack Obama is "Palling around with terrorists." If that's the case, then so was close friend to McCain's "hero" Ronald Reagan and former ambassador to the United Kingdom Walter Annenberg. (Keep in mind that of the four major candidates running for the highest offices of the land, only one is currently under investigation for ABUSE OF POWER - Sarah Palin)

The worst part of pushing this idea is that it has quite literally whipped up an angry mob which, in the past week, has called Barack Obama a traitor, a terrorist, and even gone so far as to call for his death, twice.

Were it simply one isolated incident, I suppose I can understand writing it off as a one-time fluke thing. Or even chalk up the non-existent McCain-Palin response to the fact that neither candidate knew what was being said. But that's not the case. And John McCain and Sarah Palin know it.

By not denouncing these comments, John McCain and Sarah Palin are complicit in advocating for the assassination of a presidential candidate.

This is not only sleazy, its flat out dishonorable, and dangerous. And it is astounding that neither the national press, nor John McCain himself, who was, presumably, at some point, an honorable and decent man, have not condemned these radical calls and comments.

This rhetoric and lack of response should shame every American, especially John McCain and Sarah Palin.


Actual Quotes from McCain-Palin Rallies:

"Kill him!"

"Terrorist!"

"Treason!"

"Bomb Obama!"

Palin: Screw Your Stupid Questions

After digesting the VP debates over the weekend, two of Sarah Palin's answers are still troubling me:

"I may not answer the questions the way that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let 'em know my track record."

Or in other words, "Screw your question Ifill, I am going to spend my time winking at Joe Six-pack."



She then proceeded to do exactly that. My read was that she essentially had canned responses for a number of issues or allegations, and if those rehearsed lines didn't quite fit the question, she just said fuck it and thundered on. Here's the other one that bugged me:

"I like being able to answer these tough questions without the filter even of the mainstream media, kinda tellin viewers what they've just heard. I'd rather be able to just speak to the American people like we just did. And it's so important that the American people know of the choices that they have on November 4th."

Clearly, it is an important choice, which is why she decided not to answer questions.

Logic is awesome.

LA Times Pairs Palin and Lohan

Just found this odd, though I guess nothing should surprise during this election. Skimming an article on Steve Schmidt. McCain's campaign manager, Rove prodigy, and all around Republican campaign dude, in the split in the article to advertise LA Times blogs and slide shows sat this nugget:



Picture from right to left: a young John McCain, a young Joe Biden, a now-aged Obama, and a now aged Sarah Palin photo split with, yes, Lindsay Lohan. Exactly what Lindsay Lohan had to do with Sarah Palin I have no idea, beyond maybe that men fantasize about both. And/or Sarah Palin is a secret lesbian dating a prominent DJ. Which would be hot.

And while I'm at it, here's a fun new game I invented - which woman would you most like to see hooking up with Sarah Palin? (Note: if this thought causes you to vomit in your mouth, immediately stop playing the game)

CNN Thinks All Women Are Catty Bitches

I am thoroughly convinced that CNN is determined to piss off women. Last night, the cable news network broadcast the vice presidential debates and, like they did with the presidential debates, had a group of undecided Ohio voters weighing in on the proceedings in real time with a nifty contraption called a "Perception Analyzer".

However, unlike the presidential debate, which divided the group of undecided voters into Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, for the VP debate, CNN divided the same group by gender. Seriously.

And, as suspected, women LOVE Joe Biden:



Also, as suspected, women are catty bitches who HATE other successful women:



My mother even called the little trick "demeaning". And I agree. I mean honestly, the only difference between the presidential and vice presidential debates was that one candidate in the latter happens to be a woman. This should not be an issue. I could care less whether or not the candidate has literal balls. The only thing I am evaluating this candidate on is whether or not I believe they can do the job. Not how the candidate does with male or female voters. Not how hot the candidate is (though, admittedly, that helps), and certainly not on whether their anatomy possesses a wiener.

Feel free to chime in here if you think I am over reacting, but seriously, what the hell was CNN thinking?

SF Paper Endorses McCain-Palin: Pigs Fly, Hell Freezes Over

The San Francisco Examiner, a bastion of thoughtless babble, has endorsed John McCain for president. Which I'm sure McCain would love to read, except he doesn't know how to use the internet and therefor cannot find the article.

After verbally schlobbing McCain's knob over his time as a POW, the endorsement goes on:

"He came home, completed his Navy career with distinction, and was elected to Congress."

Neglecting to mention that the honorable McCain maverickly cheated on then divorced his wheelchair-ridden wife who'd waited for him during his time in the navy and wed a beer heiress who funded said election to Congress.

"He has since been an unwavering voice for strong national defense"

Especially on the subject of POWs left behind in Vietnam for which he has unwaveringly blocked any and all legislation which would acknowledge their existence, let alone their service to their country.

"Domestically, McCain is unique in never seeking an earmark to benefit a family member, political ally back home, or financial contributor."

Like, for example, when Charles Keating, a multimillionaire Arizona banker and huge McCain fundraiser was being investigated by Congress for the last great financial disaster and asked McCain to speak with investigators, which McCain absolutely did.

"Ever the maverick, McCain selected Palin ... She has the instincts, temperament and backbone -"

Qualities Palin apparently does not possess: brains, understanding, experience, credentials, ability to give a coherent interview -

"... to help restore the Republican Party to its conservative principles and the country as a whole to those foundational ideals of individual freedom, equal justice and government that truly is of law, not of men."

Being the only candidate currently involved in an abuse of power investigation (which she has refused to cooperate with), and having campaigned for the indicted Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens, clearly, this woman has the moral integrity to right our sinking nation.

The paper then goes on to give McCain some friendly advice:

"Presidential leadership requires a steady hand, always, and McCain must lead from his head, not from his heart."

Example of a steady hand: Economy tanks last week, McCain says "Fundamentals of our economy are strong." Revises opinion to "If I were president would fire the chairman of the SEC" (Note: President does not have authority to fire SEC chairman). Re-revises opinion to "I will suspend my campaign and return to Washington until we have taken action to address this crisis." Lawmakers strike deal before McCain arrives, McCain then meets with president, deal goes south, no deal in sight, and McCain re-re-revises opinion to restart campaign and participate in debate he said he would not participate in until bailout deal was reached, which has not happened.

"He should surround himself with the best appointees available, then demand their candid advice."

McCain surrogate Carly Fiorina: Drove Hewlett-Packard into the ground as CEO, gets fired, leaves with $45 million severance.

McCain surrogate Phil Gramm: Calls US a "Nation of whiners", says financial crisis imagined, and is directly responsible for deregulation legislation in 1999 which plays huge part in economic nose dive.

McCain campaign manager Rick Davis: Owns lobbying firm which was 'consulting' for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac up until one month before they went completely bust.

McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds: Douche.



In conclusion, the San Francisco Examiner really nailed this endorsement. In the coming weeks, expect the paper to also endorse war with Iran, off-shore drilling, deregulating the health care industry, and eating your own feces.

You're more qualified than you think...

The Governor of Alaska and Republican Vice Presidential candidate, AND hot-MILF-hockey-mom, Sarah Palin made it abundantly clear in her interview with Katie Couric the other night that she has plenty of foreign policy experience (as if there were any doubt). Her qualifications, according to her, is that she can see Russia from her back yard, a mere 58 miles from the Northern most tip of the state, and that if Russian President Vladimir Putin were to fly to the United State he'd have to fly over Alaskan air space. Well, that's good enough for me, sold! It did get me thinking though, if by merely being close to a significant landmark gives you so called experience than I must be more qualified that I thought to do shit I never thought I could do. And this goes for you too. Example: I grew up in Baltimore, (that's in Maryland), and from my back yard I could see Memorial Stadium and for all you sports nuts out there, that's where the Baltimore Orioles and Ravens played before they moved to Camden Yards. So, using the Governor's unique Palin-ocratic methodology, I am qualified to be a major league baseball player. Fuck yea, I made it to the big leagues, Dad! Or better yet, I can replace Kyle Boller as the quarterback for the Ravens.

Now, for all you under achievers out there, here's a little game we can all play, go out to your back yard and look around. What can you see? Now, look very carefully because according to Sarah, if you can see something significant you have experience in whatever it is that you're looking at. It's just that simple. If you can see a hospital then you're qualified to be the Surgeon General, (C. "See" Everett Coop, sorry I couldn't resist). Can you see a police station? Guess what, you have enough experience to be the Secretary of Defense and if you're one of the geographically privileged and your back yard faces your State's border, guess what you have enough experience to be qualified to do? Yup, move over Condi, you too can be Secretary of State.

You see my fellow Americans, if we simply lower our standards enough for what our elected officials are qualified to do then we can all hold a major office in the United States government. If that isn't a testament to how far our young country has come then I don't know what is. God Bless America!

P.S. On second thought, John McCain should have selected someone who's backyard faces 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Sarah Palin's Inexplicable Sub-moronic Drivel

Bob Cesca wrote a post yesterday detailing the McCain-Palin campaign's strategy to win the election - blurt out random crap (great piece, recommend reading). It appears that last night, in her interview with Katie Couric, Gov. Palin put that strategy to work.

Kouric asks Palin about the bail out, and here is the response:

"Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy– Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions."

Um ...

Fucking what? What the hell did you just say woman? My brain actually got smaller after I heard this. Seriously, Sarah Palin spoke, I listened, my brain recoiled in horror and shrunk, and I am now dumber.

Let's break this audacious idiocy into more digestible parts.

"Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy."

What the fuck does that even mean? Call me crazy, but I think what people are concerned about as the economy bursts into flames and is promptly flushed down the toilet, are their mortgages foreclosing, or their credit rates spiking, or losing their retirement savings. Exactly how does health care reform (which to McCain means deregulating the industry - brilliant!) help fix the economy?

Second part of the answer:

"Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions."

Yes Sarah, job creation good, wildly dangerous spending bad. I think my favorite part about this sentence (using a very loose definition of the word sentence here) is that "reducing taxes ... has got to accompany tax reductions." I think it's fair to say you can't have one without the other.

In conclusion, if you do feel like killing off some brain cells sans alcohol or other illicit substances, go ahead and watch Gov. Palin's performance on CBS. The random, inexplicable and totally illogical babble should easily put you in an altered state - in which you will need to be should this woman win the vice presidency.

Be Afraid. Be Very, Very Afraid.

I am terrified, and horrified with the remarkable turn the public and media took when McCain announced Palin as his running mate. All of a sudden people are echoing words of the Feminist Movement-- excuuuuse me? Palin. Feminist. Same sentence? Same breath? I don't think so.

It's very hard for me to believe, and heart breaking, that there are millions of women voters who would vote for McCain simply because he chose a woman as his VP candidate. That there are thousands of Hillary-supporters who are now switching over to the other side. Now, i don't know how much of this is the media and how much of it is true-- I'm sure it's a little bit of both-- but can we PLEASE make one thing clear? Sarah Palin is in no way qualified to be in the white House and she is by NO MEANS doing ANYTHING for women or society. If she is elected she will literally turn back the clock and undo everything our mothers and grandmothers fought so fucking hard for.

-She is against abortion- even if you were raped or your creepy uncle fucked you and you got pregnant.

-She is against sex education in schools.

-She is against birth control.

Not to mention she also does not believe in the separation of church and state, or environmental protection. She doesn't even believe that global warming is man-made. And of course, she has no idea what the "Bush Doctrine" is.

Anyway... not to depress everyone too much so early on in the week, thought I'd end this on a laugh...